I cannot say enough about Boobus Americanus. I have held these thoughts inside of me for too long. I have to come out of the closet! I know many Americans who I admire greatly but let’s get real. When H.L. Mencken coined the term “Boobus Americanus” he hit the nail right on the head.
I deal with Boobus Americanus every day in my work in the legal field. And let me tell you I still think Mencken was making an understatement! I really do. They seem to think that they are shopping all day. Everything is the same as it is in the department store. If they do not like what you are saying they will keep “shopping” until they find someone who will tell them what they want to hear. And they will most likely find someone. I work in the legal field and let me tell you there are people out there who will in fact tell them what they want to hear just so that they can take their money. Then when they do not win their “attorney” (and I use that term loosely) will point to the legalese in the retainer agreement that says something like, “Attorney has made no warranty or guarantee with reference to the success or outcome or amount, if any, which Client may be entitled to recover as a result of his claims. Nothing in this Contract and nothing in Attorney's statement to Client shall be construed as a promise or guarantee, and all statements of Attorney on these matters are expressions of opinion only.” Are you starting to get the picture here folks? Life is not just one huge department store. After all the lawyer jokes you have seen did you still think that they are all like the attorneys you see on television? Wait, strike that. I forgot Boston Legal and a few other shows. I know that there are some very good and honest attorneys out there. Frankly I have not met too many of them.
But I am digressing here. The topic of this blog post is Boobus Americanus. Specifically how Boobus Americanus snatches defeat from the jaws of victory in many of his dealings with the legal system. The main mistake they seem to make is that they seem to vacillate between totally trusting in attorneys and thus getting screwed over, or they do not want to get involved with attorneys and therefore decide to represent themselves which results in many cases in screwing themselves over.
I have spoken with people who used their tax attorney to work on their divorce case and then wondered why they did not win in Court. Give me a break! Your tax attorney? What were you thinking? If they are an attorney they must know the law right? No, they know the area of law that they specialize and work in all the time. That does not mean they know jacksh** about divorce law or any other kind of law.
Or they use their “business” attorney and then stick with the same attorney forever. I spoke with one women who had a divorce still not finished, after 13 years! What was your first clue that something was wrong?
The old adage says something like “Anyone who acts as their own attorney in Court has a fool for a client.” And there is a lot of truth to that statement. Going into Court without an attorney is not an easy thing to do. Especially with some (although not all) Judges. It is like walking up to the batter’s box with 2 strikes against you before you even get a chance to look at a pitch.
And do you know why this is so? Because the lawyers run the whole show. Even though things have gotten better over the last say 20 or 30 years the legal system is still mostly run by lawyers, for lawyers. All the Judges used to be lawyers. And so on.
And the attitude of Boobus Americanus when they do go into Court without an attorney leaves a lot to be desired, to put it mildly. They expect things like:
Expecting to win just because they deserve it. As in I don’t give a @#$% what the law says, I deserve to win. Just because someone you know tells you that they heard of someone else who got lucky and won a case like yours does not mean that you will win. Legal cases are like snowflakes, each one is different.
Having unrealistic expectations about what they can accomplish. While some people do in fact obtain spectacular results by themselves that is usually due to a combination of the right kind of case coupled with hard work by that person, including a lot of research, either in the local law library, online, or a combination of both.
Trying to represent themselves in a complex case, such as a medical malpractice case using the assumption that if you get an attorney involved that will wind up costing you money. Get real! If you have a good malpractice case or other type of personal injury case you will likely get more money if you find a good attorney. If you have a good case you should have no problem finding a good attorney to take your case on contingency. And if you do not have a good case then how can you expect to win, except through some miracle. Miracles do happen, even in Court, but not that often. Remember that 100% of zero is still zero. Zip, zilch, nothing. It is better to get 50% or 60% of something than 100% of nothing.
Expecting that the Judge will see things their way just because they are representing themselves. Hey you might get lucky, but if that is the only thing you have to rely on you might be better off trying to stand on quicksand. Sure you may have a constitutional right to represent yourself in Court, but you also have a constitutional right to perform your own heart surgery, or your own root canal. Just because you have the right to do something does not mean it is a good idea to do it. And believe it or not I sympathize with people who represent themselves. I really do. I have worked with many of them.
The problem is that the educational system here in the United States has been so dumbed down it is incredible. Combine that with the fact that most people here actually seem to think that all they have to do is go into Court and tell the Judge that they are right and the other side is wrong and they are going to win. They all want to know the ultimate motion or gimmick that they can use to win their case. Give me a break.
I have news for them. All of the motions, etc., are all listed in the legal books. I cannot believe some of these people. They think everything is like a late night TV commercial. And if you order right now you will also get free shipping! And if you do not have what I want then you are just trying to get more money out of me. Yeah sure dude. Anything you say, lol.
Stay tuned. More to come on Boobus Americanus and the legal system.
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